Welcome to Nick's Bloggy..!!

20 March 2012
3/20/2012 05:48:00 AM

Woke up with swelling of my eyes... i woke up to reality.....

3/20/2012 02:37:00 AM

I know i haven't came here for a very long time.... coming to a year 1 reckon.
Life has been ok in terms of career wise. I finally had a confirmation of a change in role in my department. Something i had always looked forward to.. probably lesser shift work patterns... so that i could spend more time with my dearest and of course do things i have always wanted to do during my free time.

Relationships matter on the other hand do not look that bright after what happened today.

My gf called me earlier on while i was at Changi with a colleague awaiting another friend to pass him something. Then there came an sms asking me if i could meet her in the carpark just behind our usual supper haunt.

I had a hunch that something was going to happen since a couple of weeks back... her smses seemed colder than normal, she would not update me on her whereabouts like how she would do so in the past. I hung in there... thinking she might be busy or as usual tired from work commitments. I knew how much work meant to her and all. Luxury line has been something she had always wanted to do thus yea.

When i met her in the car, there was an awkward silence before she broke it with the opening phrase of "I have thought about it......" And i knew something was gonna hit me hard. I kept pretty silent to hear her piece. Prior to heading to changi, i had a good chat with my buddy Dev and told him about my insecurities. I had a premonition that something was gonna happen and it wouldnt be pleasant.

And so the conversation went on in the vehicle and i kept very quiet most of the time trying to suppress my feelings and emotions. Well, i just felt throughout the entire conversation, she just didn't have the courage to voice out a breakup though i sense it would turn out that way at the end of the day. We poured our true feelings out and i told her why i had behaved so differently from my previous relationship.

My gf is a strong-headed gurl and i know most of the times she meant me well. I have always appreciated her presence in my life. She was an inspiration and an aspiration as well to keep me going to achieving greater goals. I knew in terms of education i would never be able to surpass her but i told myself i would want to better myself so that the gap between us both would be marginal.

I know that there might be no turning back in this relationship. Much as i'm mentally prepared, emotionally i wouldn't be able to let go of everything. 3+ years and counting, i've grown accustomed to a certain routine. A routine that revolved very much around her. I'm not saying that it's bad but i've never felt like that for a girl for a very long time.

Over the last few months, i have been planning to get my savings done up. Probably be able to afford a nicer ring to move one notch higher in the relationship. Dev has also been by my side as a great buddy and have helped me.. we joke and we laugh about everything but i know he's been very supportive of my decisions.

Many of my closer friends including my boss have one way or another mentioned that i've changed. Even my gf have said that. I don't know. I didn't feel it. 1 example was my temper. I have told myself this before... "No point losing your temper so easily, it hurts pple... and someday the one that hurts most may be the one you have always loved in life..." So as time went on, i have learnt to cool off.

One thing for sure, my love for her has never diminished. I even spoke to Dev about what i wanted to do after getting my bonus and all. Guess what... it was all about her. I did promise my dad and brother that i would buy them a jersey each.... but it was her that i really looked forward to spending my time with after i get my bonus and would wanna really cherish the times we would have before i start afresh in I&I Div.

I know it wasn't easy for her to catch hold of her own cool. I didn't bear to walk away from the car after i alighted in the carpark but i knew it wouldn't help so i walked away trying very hard to control my emotions. Took 2 sticks of cigs at the nearby corner out of sight before i caught hold of myself and walked back to Dev and Francis, keeping a smile though i know they would have guessed what had happened.

On the way home, Dev just said one thing to me when i said i'll be ok.... "Bro... your eyes says it all..." I guess the eyes is something that can't hide lies... Even when i'm typing this out, my mind isn't with me. I know i might be losing something that is so important in life. It's already 2am and as tired as i am, i can't bring myself to sleep.

As Dev was driving out of the carpark, i kept my eyes fixed onto the carpark entrance she was at... as we were driving down Loyang, i couldn't take my eyes off the side view mirror hoping to see her driving behind us.... when we reached my place and took the last stick of cig, 3 cars entered my estate.. but non was her... i am truly devastated deep down emotionally.

It is only times like this when i'm alone in the room that i can truly let my emotions out... I really can't bear for all these to happen and i don't want to.. i've really learnt my lesson in life that a relationship should have an open communication and that if i really do get another god-sent chance, i'll truly cherish it... The hardest thing that i had to do when i got home was to see my lil' doggie hold him.. and i broke down.. deep inside my heart saying to him that Jie² may not come over anymore. I went through the toiletry shelf and say her items... opened my cabinet and saw her space that i rightfully gave to her to put her sleep clothes.. turned my head left at my computer desk and saw our photo taken when we were at Labrador Park... opened my wallet and saw 2 photos we took... one was on the way to USS during SC's Family Day and the other was during our crazy last min decision to watch the YOG finals that she really wanted to... last but not least i removed my necklace and held the ring tightly in my palm... praying that there wouldn't be a day i'll have to hide it away.

Remember just the other day we were talking about getting new pillows for my bed using the voucher that i won from a bowling tournament. Now everything seems like there's no need for it.

Memories of our Batam Trips... drive up to Malacca... all came flooding into my head. Yes we did have our fair share of disagreements and what-nots... but all were so blurry... one thing that i can truly remember is how she would put her hands around me when we spend the night together, despite knowing that i had problems falling aslp at night sideways. It was always her hugging me to bed and those are the times i really feel so fortunate and loved. I really do not want those to end.

But i know she has her reasons to call things off if she wants to and i'll respect her decision as much as i hate to do so.. My principle in life is to ensure that everyone around me is happy and that's why i always shield everyone around me and take the rap whenever i can. I know she's unhappy about this... but that's the least i can do for my loved ones... my dad, my brother, my lil doggie... and last but not least... my dearest gf... I wouldn't mind taking the bullet for them and even to die for a good reason, i would do it. For as long as they are safe and sound.

I just pray when i open my eyes in the morning... all these that has happened is only a nightmare that ain't true. I pray we'll overcome this hurdle together... and one day truly build up a family together to compliment each other... till then... I Love you Ashley, Polar Bear's Baby....

Forever here... always loving you hun....

05 April 2011
4/05/2011 01:17:00 PM

I was actually reading a blog and it was related to a recent conviction of a dear malaysian who had been sentenced to the capital sentence in Singapore for trafficking drugs. There were videos on people who gathered outside parliament house and speaking of humanitarian rights and so on... well i partially agree on the rights that this young man should be given a chance to plea for clemency but at the end of the day, it is a publicly known enforced law that the mandatory death sentence is to be given to anyone who does drugs. My question now is this, why commit the crime knowing that it carries the death penalty? It was also stated and said that this chinese chap had a very repulsive childhood and had gone through alot of sufferings when he was young. I have also read on various comments on Yahoo! saying that if Singapore does let this chap go, the syndicates will start using people with similar backgrounds and start a new modus operandi of trafficking these harmful substances. An MP also mentioned that he would bring a coffin BOX, i mean coffin and place it infront of the parliament house if the mentioned subject should be hung. Hmmmmm.... Yes our minister should not have commented on the case publicly in the midst of investigations coz it may have rendered certain influences in the making of decision whether to take away someone's life. A lawyer also said that we would be taking a life away illegally if we were to hang the subject, my point is this, if it's stated in the law, it ain't illegal. He also spited that the Malaysian government is not doing anything even if they have always said that it would stand up for their own people. So you're malaysian, probably wanting to stand up for your fellow countrymen but you should not say things about your own government and also another country's government coz this is when relationships are strained. If we follow the news closely, we have also heard that a Singaproean lady was also given the mandatory death sentence for trafficking drugs in Malaysia. WE do not create a scene in another country. If we have to do something to help, we will do it the legal way. I have due respect to all government officials thus i wouldn't be mentioning any names. I am reading this article from a helicopter point of view and commenting on certain things that should not have been done in the midst of the decision of this case. So here are a few points to ponder about.

1. Should drug traffickers be pardoned even if it carries a mandatory death sentence?
2. Humanitarian rights come into play, but does it apply for such offences?
3. Would a threat to the Singapore Government change the execution of laws that are in place?
4. Are protests legal in Singapore? If not, how would you charge people with a social status?
5. Will this sour our relationship with neighbouring countries?
6. We do appreciate lives, but if you let him go, how sure are u that he wouldn't commit the same crime?
7. Malaysia also carries the mandatory death penalty for drug trafficking.

My personal point of view of the mandatory death sentence? It should stick on. Strict laws enforced in Singapore is what keeps Singapore safe and sound and would assist the development of a country in the most positive way. On the contrary, if you are innocent, prove it. I believe in Singapore, one is guilty till proven innocent. Before i sign off, this post does not carry any political motives and is in anyway not directed at anyone or insulting to anyone. Cheers

28 January 2011
1/28/2011 01:50:00 AM

Well…. It’s 2011 now… I’m already 26 and hell are there a lot of pple getting hitched recently. The same thought crossed my mind… only thing… will I be able to afford it? Simply put… it ain’t cheap to afford a once in a lifetime of brilliance accompanied by the love of your life. It’s a brand new start of a chapter in your lives… how much will you go the distance to perfect this wonderful occasion? I've browsed through about 10 websites with regards to the dining aspect... hmmmm...

Hmmmm…. Let’s see… approximately how much yea….
Proposal Ring (0.7ct and above) = >$5000/-
Wedding Bands = $700/-
ROM + Wedding Gowns + Suits + Photos = $3500/-
Wedding Dinner =(est $1000 * 25) x 17% = $30000/-
Honeymoon = ok worry about this later hahahah
Roof above our heads = sheesh…. $xxxxxxx (Hopefully CPF can help a lil’!!)
Well… time to start saving up for the first item at least…..!! =] Girlfriend... i need help here!!

18 October 2010
10/18/2010 03:52:00 AM

Sayin that it's not difficult for 2 person to hold on despite the distant becoz they have true feelings for each other is easier said than done.... frankly speaking... i know how much u mean to me... but i'm not the kinda guy who's used to not seeing my gf for months or maybe years...

You even mentioned that if i truly loved u i wld support u to go overseas and re-develope.... yeap... i wld support my loved one for something that's better for her life... but have u spared a thought for me? You can tell me all the nice things... that's coz u already HAVE the intention to go over. It's not just some casual thought.... it's the intention... and with u keep repeating that u wanna leave your current job, it's a matter of time you go....

Go think about it... anyway... i still feel quite shitty now.....

10/18/2010 01:18:00 AM

*clears off dust*
Wow.... it's been a long time since i last came here to blog..... I heard about some stuff this morning and i felt uneasy since then.... even till now.... oh well... what can i say rite..... anyway... i frankly don't feel like blogging... coz i don't see the point la....